If we are going to live a life of integrity and purpose, then it will have intentionality as a part of the foundation. Too often we don’t consider that or how significant a role it plays. It is not intent (though good) but intentionality that we need. Intentionality reflects being deliberate and purposeful in how we represent ourselves, our Lord, and all associated with us. It also considers that with the best of intentions not everyone will hear what it is we have said as we meant it to be communicated.

Most of us would be surprised to note the average number of words spoken by most of us each day is 7,000 and many of us speak more than that. Some of the words spoken are deliberate, well-thought-out, and reflect us at our best intent, but many of our words are random or spoken hurriedly or without a great deal of thought. In truth we may not even recall them later and yet they matter.

Unfortunately, even on our best day, some of our words will be thoughtless or appear that way to others. It’s bound to happen as we go about our own schedule or agenda. We are busy, in a hurry often, tired, hungry, under stress, or upended by something we didn’t expect, and words are spoken without much thought. Sometimes you might catch a glimpse on the face or response of the person who hears them but that is not always the case. Even the glimpse doesn’t always tell us how deeply those thoughtless words have pierced the other person.

Some impacted by our thoughtless words might tell us of the impact, but many more will not because the words spoken caused them to no longer feel safe to be with us. Even if the words were not spoken in anger, the lack of thought for the possible impact hits a tender spot. Sometimes it is one that has been hit before by us and other times it is one that has been hit by others that left a scar that is tender when hit again. Despite that old saying about sticks and stones and words not phasing us, most of us would agree that is not the truth. Words can and often do hurt us and may not heal as easily as wounds from sticks and stones. They also remind us of what the writer of Proverbs has to say:

“The tongue can bring death or life;  those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

When we consider the division that has spread through every aspect of our lives in recent years, it seems that we all must acknowledge we have been on both sides of this problem. What is key is whether we have learned anything from it and how we have used it to strengthen our intentionality. Because it doesn’t get better if we don’t address it. It can become habitual either because we really do not care or have not taken steps to reign in our words. Scripture speaks often about the power of our tongues and our responsibility for how we use them.

“If someone believes they have a relationship with God but fails to guard his words then his heart is drifting away and his religion is shallow and empty.”

James 1:26 (TPT)

Habitual thoughtlessness may begin as a small slip or little habit we overlook but we miss that it might begin small but develops into carelessness that begins to harden our hearts and can then move to recklessness in how we handle our relationships routinely.

“The origin of recklessness is thoughtlessness. We have all been thoughtless, and have all been victims of other people’s thoughtlessness. It stings but the pain doesn’t linger for long. If we are thoughtless often enough, we become careless. If we have ever been on the receiving end of carelessness, you know it changes you. When people are careless with our safety, or careless with our trust, or careless with our hearts, it hurts. This pain is real.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

This is one of the reasons why intentionality is crucial. And it isn’t just about our words spoken to one another. It includes words we hurriedly use in a text or social media post. We can be distracted and before we know it the spell check has changed a word and we didn’t notice the word or how it changed the meaning of what we hoped to convey. That same intentionality needs to be there when we are the listener (or reader) as well. Are we hearing or reading the words with a desire to understand the other person’s heart, thoughts, opinions or do we quickly jump on them in a defensive mode?

One thing that is a great byproduct of practicing the habit of intentionality with our own use of words is that we tend to become more intentional as listeners as well. Few gifts are as impactful as having someone listen well and then ask a question if we were not as clear as we thought we were.

Stephen Covey’s fifth habit of his well-known The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is worth remembering: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

I don’t think we can ever practice that habit enough. We are all prone to want to be understood above all else. It takes a great deal of self-discipline to seek first to understand the other person.

This thing, this habit, that can start so small can create indifference and an increasingly hardened heart if left to its natural course. And how can we possibly love others if we fail to address this within ourselves?

“Carelessness robs us of our tenderness. People who are careless on a regular basis become incapable of tenderness toward others. People who have been victimized by carelessness withhold their tenderness in an effort to stay safe.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

Weeds and small bad habits are always easier to get under control if we take care of them when they are small.

Life gets crazy and busy. We get tired and frustrated, disappointed and upended. In the midst of all that and more, we intend to do and be so many things…often very good things…but that does not always occur. Life is like that. Things happen that we do not intend.

We hear that when Galadriel speaks a prologue in The Lord of the Rings about the famous ring of power that had upended so many and turned the world back into darkness. She tells the audience:

“But then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all…”

And so it is that things happen in life that we may not intend. How often any one of us can be heard commenting, “But I didn’t intend to…”  (Fill in the blank). Many times it is true because we did not intend or plan to hurt, harm, or disappoint someone, but in our hurried thoughtlessness we did. Sometimes that comment is also a “too ready” excuse that slips from our mouths without much thought to what our words or actions were or the consequences of them.

The truth is that no matter what our intent may be or may have been, we judge others by their actions and they judge us by ours.

No matter what we may wish to be or say, our behaviors and our words come out of the store of what is inside of us.

Yes, we all have bad moments in time, but each of us also need to consider how we move, live, and speak with a greater intentionality.

Intentionality reflects being deliberate and purposeful in how we represent ourselves, our Lord, and any and all associated with us. It also takes into account that with the best of intentions, not everyone will hear what it is we have said as we meant it to be communicated.

Trey Gowdy speaks with a great deal of insight on this topic in Unified. Here is a part of his thoughts:

“When I speak, the intention behind my words is important; but what the other person hears is even more important. The quality of my communication is always determined by the listener. Unless the other person understands and receives what we mean to say, we haven’t communicated effectively. We must speak the same language, define our terms, pursue a common understanding, and be bold and honest enough to speak up with one another…It doesn’t have to be confrontational – in fact, it’s better if it’s not – but it must be candid, truthful, and to the point. And we must be willing to listen and seek to understand the other side’s perspective.”

Few of us can claim not to have been exposed to enough truth to be clear on this. It speaks to congruency and integrity, consistency and intentionality and a clear understanding that our words matter, our actions matter, and both have consequences in this life and the next.

Each of us has the opportunity to make a difference in standing in the gap and reducing the division where we are planted and placed.

As Tim Scott notes:

“The truth is, we all need someone to model the expectation and show us the way. Leadership is caught, not taught.”

Courses on leadership abound along with more leadership training seminars than anyone can imagine and yet in every sphere and area, it is harder and harder to find true and effective leadership.

It begins with “cleaning the slate inside.”  Listen to Tim Scott’s powerful truth on this subject:

“The honest truth is that the slate that most needs cleaning is the one inside each of us – the one that has all our preconceptions, prejudices, and poisonous attitudes written on it. The one where we have recorded our pain. When I look in the mirror and see someone who has been forgiven, it’s easier for me to clean the slate with others and start fresh.”

Adding to that:

“If we want to establish friendships with people who are different from us, we simply cannot blame them for the things that others have said or done to us in the past. We cannot afford to blur the lines of responsibility. We must believe the best about each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt. In a sense, we are all living with the consequences of what others have done or not done, but let’s not attribute those things to one another. Let’s make an intentional decision to start fresh.”  Trey Gowdy

If we truly desire a better home, better neighborhood, better church, better workplace, or better nation, what is each of us demonstrating in our words and actions that show that intentionality?

I pray it will not be said of us what Ezekiel writes in Ezekiel 22:30 (NASB):

“I searched for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand in the gap before Me for the land, so that I would not destroy it; but I found no one.”

The wall was to keep out every ungodly thing raised up against what God had ordained and set forward.

Will each of us have the courage and intentionality to stand in the growing gap created by focusing on our differences, attributing things to one another without even knowing each other?

When life is going a bit crazy for us or we are facing challenges that terrify us, we can be tempted to wonder if God sees us and whether or not He will leave us in the place where we are. If we are honest, those times will come to most all of us – times when too many things hit at once or we are weak or tired.

When life is humming along pretty smoothly, it can be easy to forget that life is a roller coaster more often than we like. It’s hard, unpredictable (more than we wish), and tests our will, our faith foundation, and our endurance.

We read stories in the Bible of how in times past people experienced such times as that as well, but it can somehow miss the mark of putting us right there in their situation to see how powerful the response of God is. Too often we read the Bible abstractly instead of reading it as a personal message from God to us.

I read a wonderful biography of Susannah Spurgeon by Ray Rhodes, Jr. entitled Susie: The Life and Legacy of Susannah Spurgeon. Most of us know of and have read things of her well-known husband and giant of the faith, Charles Spurgeon, but known little of her. If that is true of you, I would encourage you to read a good biography of her and discover the powerful faith, love, and tenacity of this woman whose life so profoundly impacted her husband during his lifetime as well as extended his influence after his death.

At one point in the biography there was the inclusion of how Susie visualized the passage in Mark 6 after Jesus had fed the 5,000 with the loaves and fish provided by a small boy’s lunch. Jesus has sent the disciples in a boat across the Sea of Galilee while He goes up into the mountain to pray. A storm breaks upon the sea and the boat, but as Susie visualizes it in her writing, she puts you in the scene and allows you to see with fresh eyes what Jesus saw:

“Do you see that small ship on a wind-swept lake? Storm and darkness are fast gathering their forces together, the sea is tossing and raging in passionate war-cry of the tempest, and serious danger is menacing the men in the frail vessel.”

She goes on to describe the disciples: “straining every nerve and muscle to make for the opposite shore, they labour at the oars with almost superhuman strength but they are no match against the tremendous force of the wind and wave which beats them back continually, and threatens to engulf them. Your heart fails you as you look on their perilous position, and you expect every moment that the sea will swallow up its prey.”

Whatever storm of life you may find yourself in can make it easy for you to identify with her description of a passage most of us know well.

Does He see them?  He was up on a mountain praying after all.

Does He see us?

Susannah Spurgeon doesn’t leave us on that stormy sea, but moves our gaze as she writes:

“But now turn your gaze land-wards. On the bow of an adjacent hill stands a solitary, but majestic Man. He is intently watching the rowers in that trembling, storm-tossed bark. Not a danger is over-looked, not an effort is unnoticed, not a fear in their hearts does not thrill His soul with pity, and appeal to His tenderest love. He is going to save them, and in the manner of their deliverance will gloriously manifest His own Divine power and goodness. He will presently tread under His feet the waves of that turbulent sea, and compel those fierce gales to quail before Him in silent homage.”

The storm, the fear and uncertainty become very real as Susie Spurgeon “sees” the scene play out in Mark 6 and in that same visualization she reveals a key point: In the midst of the gale and stormy sea the disciples could not see the “majestic Man”  on the land looking over them. That truth made it more fearsome and a sharp knife to cut away at hope and faith.

Our challenge is to take what we read and see and remember through Susie’s keen insight that while we wonder if He sees us in our difficulty we miss that the problem is not if He sees, but that we can’t see Him for that time so our belief of his care for us can be shaken just like the disciples in the boat.

You may well say that even if He was there, He didn’t quell the storm in your life and it’s true that He doesn’t always do that. Our challenge is to know and believe He is there even if He does not stop the raging storm, we find ourselves in AND to know He will go with us through that storm. He wants our faith in Him to be unwavering, the foundation upon which all else is built.

“Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen.”

Hebrews 11:1 (TPT)

He sees and cares as Susie describes.

Do you see Him with your eyes of faith even though your natural eyes cannot now see Him?

Photo by Simon Berger from Pexels

We know well the cycles of day and night, but did we notice the darkening of another kind as it gradually began to build around the world? Were we too caught up in our own things to see when the shadows began to deepen? Is that why many are shocked at how dark it has become now and wondering how it could come to this? Have we forgotten that long before the thunderclaps above our heads and lightning hits the tree beside our house that at a distance you can see the small clouds of the storm forming?

Did we lose sight of evil or deny it exists because things were going along decently enough in our lives or did we see and ignore what was happening and think it would never affect us? These are not unusual in our current world. Lines of good and evil, right, and wrong have blurred in recent decades. That didn’t happen all at once either. Looking at what we watched on TV 50 years ago or less shows how things began to shift and we accepted the shift without realizing how far the rabbit hole might take us.

Popular TV shows of the 60’s in the United States included The Andy Griffith Show, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., The Dick VanDyke Show, The Real McCoys, Leave it to Beaver, and Hogan’s Heroes to name a few. Language was clean enough for children to watch and what was good, and right was highlighted and what was not was shown to be bad. By the time we entered the 70’s The Walton’s were playing on many TV sets and we all can still recall the way each show ended with family members saying goodnight to one another. Other popular shows were things like Happy Days, The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, and The Carol Burnett Show, but we were also beginning to explore deeper things with the series entitled Roots. Language was still decent, but here and there things began to creep in.

By the 80’s some sultry things began to be more popular like The Thorn Birds series, Dynasty, Hill Street Blues, Mama’s Family, Three’s Company, Dallas, Fantasy Island, and The Golden Girls to name a few. We loved most of them but there were bedroom scenes, colorful jokes, and crude comments we would not have heard a decade or two before. We didn’t think much of it at the time, and we began to see it as normal without much thought of whether it would affect us or our children.

By the 2000’s we were watching things like The Sopranos, Desperate Housewives, Sex in the City, Psych, Gossip Girl, Law and Order, and ER. Not all of us watched these, but the family fare of the 60’s and 70’s was disappearing, sex was no longer taboo as a theme or topic, costuming included a shift toward less modesty and language was shifting as well.

A decade later in the 2010’s we were seeing Parenthood, The Good Wife, Orange is the New Black, Hannibal, Breaking Bad, and Game of Thrones as examples. By then some of us were tuning out, but still hooked on the TV to unwind at the end of the day and it nudged us to tune in here and there.

But at the same time, we were accommodating to the shift in themes and formats on TV. Other shifts in music, movies, books, and entertainment of all types were shifting as well. Little by little what was good versus evil, dark versus light was less the theme or value presented. Culture and all of us were changing, being led along a path without much thought.

Then I read something in Matthew Kelly’s book, Life is Messy, that put it all in perspective:

“What is evil? Evil is defined as profoundly immoral. The definition itself holds the reason for the escalating evil in our world, though it may not be obvious at first. It all hinges on the word immoral.

The word immoral presents an intricate problem for our culture. Morality is almost never mentioned. I cannot recall the last time I heard the mainstream media describe something as immoral. Every type of perversion and depravity has become someone’s personal preference or right.

When we pretend that there is no such thing as right and wrong, good and bad, this will inevitably lead to the proliferation of evil. And it has.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

Not unlike the story of the frog in the kettle who jumped in when the water was cool and didn’t notice the increasing temperature of the fire under the kettle until it was too late, we have been desensitized to evil and become increasingly ambivalent while we have moved to more and more value-free living and choices. As we have done so, the storm clouds have darkened and begun to influence more and more aspects of our world without us paying much heed to it or whether we contributed to it with our own messy lives and choices along the way. It wasn’t our plan, and it didn’t happen with the same influences in every culture or society around the globe and yet it happened nonetheless, and we now see the world reeling from one thing or another.

It could be easy to despair, but we may also have forgotten that scripture told us to be aware of and pay attention to the signs of the times and what they would tell us about the path we were on. Those words should cause us to take heed, repent and deal with our own messiness, and hope for the only One who can bring light and freedom from evil. But Matthew Kelly’s words remind us that evil is much closer than any of us suspect. That is why it can seem to sneak up on us.

“Every age has new storytellers, but one truth endures: We become the stories we read, hear, and watch. Today’s storytellers appear to be committed to normalization of evil, and by extension the annihilation of human dignity. Not the dignity of some anonymous people, but the annihilation of your dignity, my dignity, and the dignity of our spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Evil is much closer than we suspect.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

Let each of us choose to be a different kind of storyteller so that those who listen, read, watch, and hear us will not accept a normalization of evil and immorality while that is still possible in the midst of the deepening storm clouds.

If you are one of those people who try to prepare for whatever the next day’s schedule holds or the next week, you are likely a planner. Even if that is not you, you have likely had hopes and dreams of or for certain things in your life. We all have some of these qualities even if they vary by degree. But as we go along doing the best we can, we may well express, “But I thought…” The statement refers to an expectation that has not been realized and that happens at times despite our best efforts.

Things like this can be small such as a day we need to get a list of things accomplished for work, at home, or in some area of our life. We try to schedule to make sure we can succeed in the goal, but the car breaks down, the Internet goes offline, we or someone whom we love gets sick and we need to handle that instead of the list of things in the plan.

Maybe we decide we really need to address the debt we acquired. We get help to set up a budget and feel good about starting to whittle away at the bills that stack up. We may even have an emergency line in the budget for something unexpected, but the routine service on our car reveals a major repair is needed that exceeds what the budget allows, and we feel discouraged that our efforts are thwarted.

Perhaps we have determined to do a better job with taking care of our health. We’re on track with healthier eating habits and start exercising regularly and setting a sleep schedule – even drinking more water. We keep our regular doctor checkups and feel good and then blood work comes back that says all of that was not enough somehow or the doctor discovers something lurking inside of our body we did not know was there. We feel disheartened and anxious when we worked so hard to be and stay healthy and now our body seems to have betrayed us. We followed the best health professional’s advice and some disease or ailment caught us anyway. Sometimes we are tempted to wonder what the point of the whole effort is when we don’t get the payoff we expected for our hard work as well as the expense of time and money to be as healthy as possible.

Many of us (even with these things) felt grateful we live in a time in history when the medical and scientific advances allow us to enjoy freedom from the scourge of mysterious epidemics that destroy thousands of people but then a pandemic shows us and hangs on with a tenacity we could not have imagined. Or we live in a neighborhood that has given us a sense of safety until crime surges and even our neighborhood gets hit with things we have not seen before. We see danger in places we did not expect to see it and the world feels less safe.

Reading Psalms (especially in The Message rendering) reminds us this is not unique to any one of us or all of us, but is common to humankind and life on this earth. Somehow we missed the clear constant reality that life is full of many unpacked twists and turns. If we are younger, we might be more surprised. We might believe those things happen to “other people” or “older people.” If we are older, we are likely to be less surprised and yet get caught with something that upends us.

Most of us have been living with more uncertainty as a result of how the world seems to be spinning out of control in so many ways and areas. More than the pandemic has happened to us and tempts us to anxiety, restless nights, and discouragement.

Matthew Kelly has some reminders for us all in his newest release, Life is Messy:

“We all end up living unexpected lives.

Life doesn’t unfold according to our plans. But sooner or later, we each have to decide how we are going to make the most of our one brief, unexpected life. It is then that we come face-to-face with two enduring truths: We cannot live without hope that things will change for the better, and we are not victims of our circumstances.

Hope is not always as accessible as we would like. It often seems just out of reach at those times when we are most in need of it, when our hearts are broken, our minds downtrodden, and our souls crushed. Yet, even in those moments, we have a choice. The unexpected is either a curse or an opportunity. We get to decide.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

And decide we must. The One who created us gave us choice in how we respond to what comes our way.