If we knew how to avoid a snare of any kind, we would do so. Any snare is meant to trap us and hold us so we cannot be free. 

Life exposes us to many kinds of snares. Those connected to innate needs or desires can be most difficult because they hold us in a struggle that not only creates guilt but also binds us with shame and fear of exposure. 

Her Freedom Journey by Dr. Juli Slattery and Dr. Joy Skarka is not just a book but offers an 8-week guide divided into four days each week of teaching along with reflection questions and challenges for women caught in the snare of pornography, those who can’t seem to shake the temptation of the shame of sexual sin.

You hear of these challenges facing men more often but in the small print you discover that one out of three visitors to adult websites are women. Many of these women are first exposed to pornography at a very young age. The average age of the struggle begins at 12 but that is the average so some see what they cannot unsee even earlier.

One of the authors, Joy, shares her first exposure to pornography came in the fifth grade when a friend from summer camp pulled up images on her laptop on her desk in the bedroom. Then on her first day of college Joy was date raped. Both of these were snares holding her in a trap that offered a way out of pain and shame, tempting her to return to them again and again in ways she would never have imagined she would choose. 

“Not every woman struggles with pornography but every woman has had the beautiful gift of sexuality tainted in some way by lust, assault, legalism, betrayal, or exposure to sexual experiences and images their brains and hearts could not process.” 

Dr. Juli Slattery

Often women go to sites such as those meant to ensnare as a form of education about sex they were not told about or were afraid or embarrassed to ask. Little did they know that curiosity has a bite that pulls the viewer in deeper as the endorphins released in viewing gives them a  powerful rush. Neurological wiring connects those experiences to the pleasure centers of the brain and over time can become reconstructed in ways we don’t discover until we are farther into the rabbit hole than we wanted, planned or could imagine. 

How any woman gets into this insidious snare varies. Sometimes it is exposure at an early age such as it happened with Joy when there is no truth or knowledge to know what is being unleashed. It can also happen from childhood trauma that plays out and seeks expression in sexual temptation. It can happen when we indulge ourselves in romance novels that releases dopamine and hijacks the pleasure center of the brain. The girl or woman wasn’t looking for sex but for the intimacy we were designed to know and enjoy within a marital relationship.

“Most women don’t look at porn for porn’s sake. We use pornography because it promises to dull the pain of the past and to make us feel wanted and loved, even for a moment.” 

Her Freedom Journey

We are inundated with images on every device and in nearly any venue unlike any time before when those images were only found in magazines tucked into closets or under mattresses. Ads to sell almost anything are full of seductive poses and actions to get us to buy food, cars, beverages, and a long list of items.

Add to that…”social media encourages us to present only the best version of ourselves, making us feel like no one could really love us exactly as we are. Feeling isolated and unlovable, we fall for what we can feel like is a valid substitution.”

Her Freedom Journey helps identify and address the problems beneath sexual sins, those we keep hidden out of fear and shame. The book is structured into eight chapters: The Problem of Pain, Can God’s Love Really Be Enough?, A New Vision for Sexual Wholeness, Pursuing Sexual Integrity, Ditching Lies and Embracing Truth, Stop Trying So Hard!, Getting Unstuck from Shame, and When Your Story Becomes Your Weapon. It is crafted to be used in group settings where you can gain support for the battle but can be helpful for an individual to start on the path. 

You may be thinking this all sounds hard to fathom among those who have spiritual moorings and worship with us regularly but as a retired Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor for nearly 25 years, I know these are not as unusual as you may think. The authors in their ministry, Authentic Intimacy, have been leading women to hope and freedom for more than a few years and offer online studies, workshops, and conferences. They can also give guidance for those who have progressed to addiction and need professional help beyond what this book offers.

If you are identifying with what I have written or know of someone who is, this book offers a pathway out of hopelessness and will be released on July 2.  I was honored by the authors to be invited to be on the launch team. Take the first step to freedom with Juli and Joy alongside you on your own journey to freedom.