Fog. If you have ever needed to drive in fog you are aware of how stressful and disorienting everything is. Even if it is a road that you know, you may be uncertain of exactly where you are. The things you usually see as guides are hidden and you can become confused and doubt where you are on the road.

I have driven long enough to have experienced this more than once, but one incident stands out above the rest even though it happened quite a few years ago. At the time I was living at home while doing student teaching in our local school district but needed to drive to my university campus one night a week for a course that was related to the student teaching. It was a trek of more than 40 miles that took me a good 50 minutes when the weather was good, and construction was not happening.

On this particular night the issue that faced me was fog and it worsened on my way home in the dark that night. I knew the road well and was driving slowly with lights on dimmer beams as I had been taught, but the closer I got to home the denser the fog became until I could no longer be sure of where I was on the road or what was on either side of the pavement. I chose to do something risky and stopped and got out of the car for a moment to ascertain the center line and where the road’s edge was. Then got back to the business of creeping along until I finally made it safely home wrenched with a stressed mind and body from the tension of the trip.

There are technically different types of fog and meteorologists can tell us all about how it forms and the conditions that bring it about, but they cannot prevent it and we need to deal with it and sometimes navigate through it. It can cause us (like me) to doubt where I am or if I can even get to my destination. Those are real tangible realities we face, but there are other types of fog that can occur as well. Warriors will tell you there is often a fog that settles over a battlefield from smoke that has filled the air and sky from the weapons firing constantly or gases deployed as weapons. It can be difficult to be certain whether you can identify a person as a fellow soldier or an enemy in such times. It can result in either firing or failing to fire your weapon despite your training. You doubt yourself and hesitate. Life can be that way when we are not in the midst of a weather event or a physical battlefield as well. You can become lost even in a place you were sure you knew the terrain.

As darkness grows upon the earth we long for truth and the brightness of the day to navigate but the fog descending with the darkness disorients us and can result in doubt even before fear moves in. Many things come into play. One is that truth is obscured by the scene that the enemy seeks to set before us with words that once sounded good or right but we learn they were not and merely a script meant to deceive us and discourage our hearts from staying on the path we thought we knew. Voices come from every direction both outside of us and within our heads and doubt grows a bit more. We no longer are sure of who we can believe because some we have trusted betrayed our trust. This “fog” appears to be happening on big and small stages around us. It nudges us to trust anyone who seems to know the way.

“If Truth is taken away from us, then Right and Wrong are taken from us as well. If we don’t know Right and Wrong, then we can’t, we won’t control ourselves, but will look to someone else to bring order through brute force and raw power. We will be controlled by a tyrant, and we will no longer be free.”

Frank Peretti

Frank Peretti’s words offer wise counsel. They also remind us of key things we need to navigate the foggy darkness. First, we must immerse ourselves in the truth. That doesn’t come from any source other than the One who is truth. The more we immerse ourselves in what He has told us and the guidance He has offered, the less likely we will be to believe lies and half-truths that stalk us. Those things are meant to deceive us and increase doubt. Too often we have been lazier than we ought to be and counted on others outside of us to provide that truth and remind us of Him. We all need others, but it can never imply we are not to take responsibility to be sure the truth is planted deeply within us. Jesus shows us a perfect example when He was tempted in the wilderness and the enemy quoted scripture in partial and inaccurate context.

Secondly, we must not miss that the desire for someone to show the way is part of the human nature that the enemy would seek to exploit. He wants us to trust in man more than God so that he can deceive us with a man pretending to be God. That truth is something we dare not miss. As everything becomes more chaotic, the longing for someone to save us increases. That causes some to seek Truth and others to seek anyone who “appears” to know a way out of the mess. We must not be deceived.

“Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So, keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.”

1 Peter 5:8 (MSG)

“The depth of a person’s character is not measured by his or her physical strength, but by the depth of his or her nobility.”

Frank Peretti

If we are going to live a life of integrity and purpose, then it will have intentionality as a part of the foundation. Too often we don’t consider that or how significant a role it plays. It is not intent (though good) but intentionality that we need. Intentionality reflects being deliberate and purposeful in how we represent ourselves, our Lord, and all associated with us. It also considers that with the best of intentions not everyone will hear what it is we have said as we meant it to be communicated.

Most of us would be surprised to note the average number of words spoken by most of us each day is 7,000 and many of us speak more than that. Some of the words spoken are deliberate, well-thought-out, and reflect us at our best intent, but many of our words are random or spoken hurriedly or without a great deal of thought. In truth we may not even recall them later and yet they matter.

Unfortunately, even on our best day, some of our words will be thoughtless or appear that way to others. It’s bound to happen as we go about our own schedule or agenda. We are busy, in a hurry often, tired, hungry, under stress, or upended by something we didn’t expect, and words are spoken without much thought. Sometimes you might catch a glimpse on the face or response of the person who hears them but that is not always the case. Even the glimpse doesn’t always tell us how deeply those thoughtless words have pierced the other person.

Some impacted by our thoughtless words might tell us of the impact, but many more will not because the words spoken caused them to no longer feel safe to be with us. Even if the words were not spoken in anger, the lack of thought for the possible impact hits a tender spot. Sometimes it is one that has been hit before by us and other times it is one that has been hit by others that left a scar that is tender when hit again. Despite that old saying about sticks and stones and words not phasing us, most of us would agree that is not the truth. Words can and often do hurt us and may not heal as easily as wounds from sticks and stones. They also remind us of what the writer of Proverbs has to say:

“The tongue can bring death or life;  those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

When we consider the division that has spread through every aspect of our lives in recent years, it seems that we all must acknowledge we have been on both sides of this problem. What is key is whether we have learned anything from it and how we have used it to strengthen our intentionality. Because it doesn’t get better if we don’t address it. It can become habitual either because we really do not care or have not taken steps to reign in our words. Scripture speaks often about the power of our tongues and our responsibility for how we use them.

“If someone believes they have a relationship with God but fails to guard his words then his heart is drifting away and his religion is shallow and empty.”

James 1:26 (TPT)

Habitual thoughtlessness may begin as a small slip or little habit we overlook but we miss that it might begin small but develops into carelessness that begins to harden our hearts and can then move to recklessness in how we handle our relationships routinely.

“The origin of recklessness is thoughtlessness. We have all been thoughtless, and have all been victims of other people’s thoughtlessness. It stings but the pain doesn’t linger for long. If we are thoughtless often enough, we become careless. If we have ever been on the receiving end of carelessness, you know it changes you. When people are careless with our safety, or careless with our trust, or careless with our hearts, it hurts. This pain is real.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

This is one of the reasons why intentionality is crucial. And it isn’t just about our words spoken to one another. It includes words we hurriedly use in a text or social media post. We can be distracted and before we know it the spell check has changed a word and we didn’t notice the word or how it changed the meaning of what we hoped to convey. That same intentionality needs to be there when we are the listener (or reader) as well. Are we hearing or reading the words with a desire to understand the other person’s heart, thoughts, opinions or do we quickly jump on them in a defensive mode?

One thing that is a great byproduct of practicing the habit of intentionality with our own use of words is that we tend to become more intentional as listeners as well. Few gifts are as impactful as having someone listen well and then ask a question if we were not as clear as we thought we were.

Stephen Covey’s fifth habit of his well-known The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is worth remembering: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

I don’t think we can ever practice that habit enough. We are all prone to want to be understood above all else. It takes a great deal of self-discipline to seek first to understand the other person.

This thing, this habit, that can start so small can create indifference and an increasingly hardened heart if left to its natural course. And how can we possibly love others if we fail to address this within ourselves?

“Carelessness robs us of our tenderness. People who are careless on a regular basis become incapable of tenderness toward others. People who have been victimized by carelessness withhold their tenderness in an effort to stay safe.”

Matthew Kelly in Life is Messy

Weeds and small bad habits are always easier to get under control if we take care of them when they are small.

Life gets crazy and busy. We get tired and frustrated, disappointed and upended. In the midst of all that and more, we intend to do and be so many things…often very good things…but that does not always occur. Life is like that. Things happen that we do not intend.

We hear that when Galadriel speaks a prologue in The Lord of the Rings about the famous ring of power that had upended so many and turned the world back into darkness. She tells the audience:

“But then something happened that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all…”

And so it is that things happen in life that we may not intend. How often any one of us can be heard commenting, “But I didn’t intend to…”  (Fill in the blank). Many times it is true because we did not intend or plan to hurt, harm, or disappoint someone, but in our hurried thoughtlessness we did. Sometimes that comment is also a “too ready” excuse that slips from our mouths without much thought to what our words or actions were or the consequences of them.

The truth is that no matter what our intent may be or may have been, we judge others by their actions and they judge us by ours.

No matter what we may wish to be or say, our behaviors and our words come out of the store of what is inside of us.

Yes, we all have bad moments in time, but each of us also need to consider how we move, live, and speak with a greater intentionality.

Intentionality reflects being deliberate and purposeful in how we represent ourselves, our Lord, and any and all associated with us. It also takes into account that with the best of intentions, not everyone will hear what it is we have said as we meant it to be communicated.

Trey Gowdy speaks with a great deal of insight on this topic in Unified. Here is a part of his thoughts:

“When I speak, the intention behind my words is important; but what the other person hears is even more important. The quality of my communication is always determined by the listener. Unless the other person understands and receives what we mean to say, we haven’t communicated effectively. We must speak the same language, define our terms, pursue a common understanding, and be bold and honest enough to speak up with one another…It doesn’t have to be confrontational – in fact, it’s better if it’s not – but it must be candid, truthful, and to the point. And we must be willing to listen and seek to understand the other side’s perspective.”

Few of us can claim not to have been exposed to enough truth to be clear on this. It speaks to congruency and integrity, consistency and intentionality and a clear understanding that our words matter, our actions matter, and both have consequences in this life and the next.

Each of us has the opportunity to make a difference in standing in the gap and reducing the division where we are planted and placed.

As Tim Scott notes:

“The truth is, we all need someone to model the expectation and show us the way. Leadership is caught, not taught.”

Courses on leadership abound along with more leadership training seminars than anyone can imagine and yet in every sphere and area, it is harder and harder to find true and effective leadership.

It begins with “cleaning the slate inside.”  Listen to Tim Scott’s powerful truth on this subject:

“The honest truth is that the slate that most needs cleaning is the one inside each of us – the one that has all our preconceptions, prejudices, and poisonous attitudes written on it. The one where we have recorded our pain. When I look in the mirror and see someone who has been forgiven, it’s easier for me to clean the slate with others and start fresh.”

Adding to that:

“If we want to establish friendships with people who are different from us, we simply cannot blame them for the things that others have said or done to us in the past. We cannot afford to blur the lines of responsibility. We must believe the best about each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt. In a sense, we are all living with the consequences of what others have done or not done, but let’s not attribute those things to one another. Let’s make an intentional decision to start fresh.”  Trey Gowdy

If we truly desire a better home, better neighborhood, better church, better workplace, or better nation, what is each of us demonstrating in our words and actions that show that intentionality?

I pray it will not be said of us what Ezekiel writes in Ezekiel 22:30 (NASB):

“I searched for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand in the gap before Me for the land, so that I would not destroy it; but I found no one.”

The wall was to keep out every ungodly thing raised up against what God had ordained and set forward.

Will each of us have the courage and intentionality to stand in the growing gap created by focusing on our differences, attributing things to one another without even knowing each other?