A Spirit-filled life – that’s the goal, right? But what does that look like in the life of a believer beyond simply offering a definition we have read or been taught somewhere in our walk with the Lord?

According to Kenny Luck, three things will be evident even as they were in the beginning as seen in the book of Acts:

“Three things characterize the first community of Spirit-filled believers: uncommon attitudes, uncommon actions, and an uncommon unity of life and purpose.”

That translates into a desire to truly see, lift up, and encourage others and set aside the tendency to self-focus that can so easily occur to any and all of us. To see others means we are not so consumed by our agendas, schedules, thoughts, and goals that we miss the words you say, the inflection in your tone when you say them, the demeanor on your face when you share them, or the bearing of your body as you express yourself.

It can be so easy to be not only engaged in the busyness of life, but also the many ministry involvements of ministry that we can miss the ministry opportunity right in front of us. Are we so busy being a Christian that others miss the reality of Christ within us?

So many challenges bombard us each day. All of us could be buffered from that bombardment with some little moment of encouragement, especially when it is unexpected. Yet, that moment of thoughtfulness when we acknowledge the waitress that serves us or the clerk who checked us out can pass by when it would cost us so little to express it.

We can only do that if we are connected to the One who never fails to encourage and lift up. It can only happen when we are not walking through each day in a state of weary ambivalence that dulls the nudge of the Spirit within us.

“God tells us that the hot and searing sun of ambivalence, disconnectedness, and self-absorption bakes and hardens a soul unwatered by encouragement. A hard coating forms over people’s minds, which isolates them and makes worse any part of their life that is broken, selfish, discontent, cynical, or skeptical. Without life-giving encouragement, over time, people will begin to believe lies…”  Kenny Luck 

And there is another important truth to be aware of – those who are under-encouraged cannot be great encouragers.

I recall so well the upheaval the deaths of my parents resulted in for me. They died just three months apart from one another and with a sibling who was mentally ill and handicapped, all the details fell to me. Then when family had gone back home and I was trying to sort through my parents’ clothing and personal items, a friend called. She learned that I would be going to my parents’ home again to work on dealing with those details and she simply said she would bring banana bread and coffee and help me. I had not asked her, she offered.

When she arrived with the banana bread still warm from her oven, she sat with me in my parents’ bedroom as I pulled out various items. She listened as I shared memories of certain things and she didn’t rush me. When I felt overwhelmed about what to do with things, she suggested a way to sort them into categories: sell, donate, throw away, or ‘no idea.’ When she left that afternoon, she also took each stack to deliver to the place or person I had decided would be best. How well she loved me that day! This was a Spirit-filled life in action.

It has been 30 years since that day and Shirley’s Spirit-filled action remains imprinted in my mind and heart. A few years later I was struck by a car in my office parking lot and she drove a half hour to pick up my husband to go get my car the next morning. When she arrived, she brought with her a complete roast beef dinner knowing I could barely move from all the soft tissue damage I had experienced. (She would never think she did all that much for anyone and yet I see her move in the lives of many because she sees and hears and the Spirit knows she will respond.)

The Lord has placed each of us in close proximity to many people each day even if we live alone. How can we be a means of encouragement and grace to them? It starts with an understanding that each person we meet is suffering from encouragement deficiency.

To be one who notices, responds, and moves in encouragement will be so unusual to most anyone around us that it will clearly be evidence of the light within us.

But remember…it isn’t supposed to happen only on certain days or when we are not too busy…as believers, it is supposed to be our lifestyle.

“Dangerous good behavior is Spirit-empowered behavior that is counterintuitive to a watching world. It’s show stopping: Just when they expect you to do the self-protective things, you do a Spirit-filled thing out of love for God and people. You take the road less traveled, and the tension inside of you releases itself into faithfulness to Christ for the sake of another.”   Kenny Luck

Earlier this week a dear friend of mine made a date to get together for coffee at our favorite coffee shop. Actually, we may have other favorite shops, but this one has become the one that we always choose. Part of it is the location between our two homes. Part of it is the comfy faux leather chairs in the corner that we try to snag. We love coffee, but the coffee is really the opening act because getting together to talk is really the main event for us.

We have talked about many things back in “our corner” from marriage to parenting, our latest book choices, our spiritual lives, the latest ministry challenges, our hopes and dreams, our uncertainties, and foundational beliefs.

We take several hours to catch up and sip our favorite drinks and even though we spend two hours together, the conversation never stalls or winds down and we talk all the way to our cars. The coffee always runs out before the conversation. The finale of the conversation focuses on when we will be able to meet again for coffee.

What is it that draws so many of us to meet at a coffee shop for coffee to connect?

I looked around our coffee shop this week and noted how many of the chairs were filled. There were the usual folks on laptops alone and seemingly hard at work, but there were so many spots where two people were doing the same thing as I was, enjoying the conversation and company of a friend. I have seen men connecting over a Bible study, college students meeting around a group project, and of course, girlfriends like us meeting together for the sheer joy of the time together.

Perhaps we choose the coffee shop because we have bought into the ads for Starbucks, Peets, Caribou or other companies. Perhaps it’s a local shop with its own special brews. Perhaps we simply love coffee. Perhaps it is because the coffee shop is an oasis from everything else in our day. Perhaps holding a cup in our hand provides some comfort or reassurance as we sometimes share the deepest parts of our heart.  Perhaps it provides the context for the real reason, that we enjoy connecting with one another in a relaxed environment and since we do so by appointment we actually set aside time to nourish relationship in the midst of our busy lives. We commit to it even if we need to keep circling the building for a parking spot or need to wait for two chairs to open up.

Getting together for coffee is actually code for, “I want to spend time with you” or “I want to share something with you”. The commitment and the appointment certainly also says something we also need to hear – “You matter to me and I value you”. It adds to a sense of community. That is key to our emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual selves.

Whatever way we may choose to connect or experience community with one another, the vital key is to make time to do it and let the mysterious process of nourishing our souls happen.

Jesus was the expert on this.

As we read in the gospels we see the teaching to crowds, the healing of all sorts of maladies, the time alone with His Father, but do we also look at those connection times. They are tucked in before ministry and after time with the Father in Luke 6. They happen with his disciples, with his friends, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus as well as others.

I wonder.

Would Jesus hang out at our favorite coffee shop sipping an espresso, cappuccino, or latte if He walked the earth now?

What a wondrous time that would be!

But maybe we can still experience a small taste of that if we find a favorite spot, get our favorite coffee drink, and spend one-on-one time sharing ourselves with Him, catching up, finding out what is on His mind and not simply handing Him our prayer requests. He’s always available.

Old habits die hard they say.

One of those is what we understand about guilt. Before we come to know the Lord, unless our conscience is seared we experience what we call guilt and its lingering shadows. Those shadows touch more parts of us than we often recognize.

What we understand about guilt after we invite Jesus into our lives depends on what we are taught to think and feel about guilt. Sadly, sometimes when we are growing up we hear messages suggesting we should feel guilty when we have made a mistake. As a result, even after we are believers we can still label what we feel as guilt when we make a mistake or fall prey to sin.

Sometimes the problem of guilt seems less common today than it once was perhaps. The new independent individualism typical of our current culture tends to result in justification for mistakes or sinful choices. It is commonplace to hear statements like “that’s just the way I am” or “that’s the way God made me”. We easily deflect responsibility and blame. We also tend to shift blame to others.

It is rare to hear someone accept personal responsibility for his or her choices and decisions.

I see that as I look at my own life and how little I understood about this issue of guilt as a result of a lack of discipleship when I first came to know Jesus.

I also saw and heard it for many years in my counseling practice. People were locked up by guilt for things past and present. I still hear it now as I overhear conversations.

The effects of unhealthy guilt in our lives have tentacles that wrap around several areas of our life. The first and easiest to spot is hostility and defensive reactions in which someone else is blamed for the issue or problem.

A second group of effects include self-condemnation reactions such as insecurity, anxiety, an inability to relax, the refusal to receive compliments, a pessimistic outlook, and a feeling of inferiority.

These first two can lead to social reactions that can cause us to isolate and alienate ourselves from others. Ultimately all of these can produce physical symptoms as a result of the stress we experience from the unrelieved habit of guilt.

Guilt leads to death within us.

Here is the good news!

If we learn to differentiate between unhealthy guilt and godly conviction, we can be set free from the confusion these can cause.

What does unhealthy guilt look like?

• It causes confession about how bad we are and usually the confession is compulsive, impulsive and repeated.
• It deals with laws and rules, the should and should not’s.
• It refuses to yield to forgiveness.
• The primary focus is on self and the past.
• The motivation for change is to avoid feeling bad.
• Our attitude toward ourselves is frustration.

By contrast, let me give examples of godly conviction:

• Confession that is concerned with the act itself of sin or mistake rather than how rotten I am.
• Godly conviction deals with relationships (God, self, and others).
• Godly conviction always yields to forgiveness.
• The primary focus is God or others and damage to others and a desire to correct future deeds.
• The motivation for change is to help others, to do God’s will and experience feelings of love.
• Our attitude toward ourselves includes love, respect, and concern.

Godly conviction leads to life!

The good news, the gospel, tells us in Luke 4 in the words of Jesus quoting out of Isaiah 61 that He came to set the captives free, to bring pardon, to bring life.

When you are tempted to get mired in guilt, remember that guilt leads to death. Because Jesus came to bring life and IS life, guilt would not be coming from Him. His enemy who condemns us and brings death still likes to masquerade and confuse us on this topic.

When Jesus sees us caught in a sin or ensnared in a habit that can destroy us, He brings godly conviction (not condemnation). That brings life. It isn’t any wonder, is it?

Jesus is life. He came to bring us life and life more abundantly.