As the sun began to set, those who had followed the Lord could not let go of the events of the day. He had clearly told them, but what they had witnessed was beyond their imagination despite His words.

What would it have been like to be one of His disciples on that long, wrenching day at the end of such an incredible week?

I wonder.

Would I have steeled myself against the horror unfolding and clung to His words while still standing at the foot of the cross or would I have been one of those who were not present?

Would I have been overcome by grief and fear of what would happen next or would I have fallen prey to doubt?

So much had happened during this week…

The triumph of Palm Sunday had filled so many with hope and celebration! Then on Monday Jesus had entered the temple courts zealously overturning the tables of the moneychangers who were buying and selling. He was reminding them this place was to be a place of prayer and not one of robbers. A noisy melee broke out in the chaos of doves and money flying everywhere, people scrambling, and reeling at the scene. They had never seen Jesus this way.

Then on Tuesday as the disciples were walking along with Him, He had cursed the fig tree that was not producing fruit. How puzzled they seemed to be at how quickly the tree had withered before their very eyes! Once more He exhorted them if they had faith and believed as they prayed, what they prayed would be done.

How astonishing were those things the disciples witnessed, but now to think He was saying they could do such things was more than they could take in.

From there they went on to the temple courts that He had just cleared the day before and He was confronted by the chief priests and elders about where He had received authority to do what He had done. It was a trap they were setting for Him and He knew it. His wise answer rebuffed them and left them stymied as Jesus then refused to answer them and expose their unbelief.

Then came the Olivet Discourse where He warned the disciples through another story. This time He spoke of the foolish and wise virgins charging them to keep watch. To think this admonition came prior to that long night in the Garden of Gethsemane and yet they had not taken in the meaning for either the future or the present.

How Jesus loved them and longed for His disciples to hear and understand!

I think He does for us as well. How can I possibly judge their behavior when I am not always listening and hesitating to follow if I don’t understand what He has asked of me?

It was on Wednesday that Judas slipped away from the others and made his bargain with the chief priests to betray Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. Did his fellow disciples have any clue he might be tempted to do such a thing?

It reminds me that in the “now” those I share the journey of faith with are also tempted even as I can be. How deeply and openly I share my doubts, fears, and temptations may well determine my ability or their ability to withstand it and make all the difference in this walk with Him. That means that I need to be purposeful in my times with those closest to me to help guard their hearts and allow them to guard mine as well.

Thursday was a feast day, the Feast of Unleavened Bread, and Jesus directed His disciples where to go in the city and whom to speak with about preparing a place at his house for Jesus and His disciples to celebrate the feast.

When they were gathered there, Jesus broke bread and served wine giving thanks and once more giving them information few could likely grasp. He plainly told them they would not share this meal with Him again until they were together again in His Father’s kingdom.

They sang a hymn and then left for the Mount of Olives to the garden in Gethsemane. As they walked along in the moonlight, what was their conversation? Did they wonder at the interaction between Jesus and Judas? Did they question Judas abruptly leaving them?

Jesus wanted them to be with Him, to watch with Him, and to pray.

He knew and understood what lay before Him and despite His willingness to be obedient to His Father, His heart was in anguish and He asked His Father if there was any other way while still being willing to endure what lay ahead.

As the disciples looked back on that last sweet time with Jesus in the upper room and then their failure to watch with Him as he asked, were their own hearts burdened with guilt and shame for their failure?

The ugly scene of Judas arriving with soldiers to arrest Him angered them. How could he have done such a thing? Yet their own fear caused them to flee the scene. Peter’s curiosity brought him to the courtyard where early in the morning the prophecy Jesus had spoken about his betrayal would come to pass.

It was 6 AM on that Friday that Jesus would stand before Pilate. It had been a long night. He had already suffered much, but within an hour He was sent on to Herod for a decision on what to do with Him. Pilate must have hoped Herod would handle things, but instead he was returned to Pilate where Pilate looked for a way out and offered to release one of the prisoners. The priests had spurred on the crowd and elders who had arranged the betrayal by Judas to choose Barabbas rather than Jesus.

So in the end, as Old Testament prophets had foretold, Jesus was sentenced to death and by 8AM had been led away to Calvary. An hour later the grisly crucifixion had begun with only a handful of those He loved standing nearby to testify to the events. They were the ones who watched the soldiers casting lots for his clothing and heard the insults and mocking railed at Him.

These few would bear witness to the exchange Jesus had with the criminal crucified to one side of Him who was promised paradise. They also heard His words to His mother and the admonition to John to care for her as a son.

By noon that day, darkness covered the scene and at 1PM Jesus cried out to His Father and spoke of His thirst. By 2PM they would hear His final words “It is finished”. At the end of the ninth hour, the soldiers would thrust a spear in His side to assure He was dead. An earthquake would occur and then as sunset approached He was taken from the cross and Joseph of Arimathea offered his own tomb as a burial place.

The sun sank further and further and I might think the disciples’ hearts weighed heavy as it dipped below the horizon.

Was it all over?

What would become of them?

It was God’s darkest hour as He set aside His Son’s life for me, for you, for any who believe in Him.

Good Friday?

Perhaps we for whom He died can say it was good because He gave us the best gift we could have ever received.

He gave us life with Him.

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It should have been me that was hauled into court in the middle of the night followed by the betrayal of one who had walked with me. I was guilty. I deserved no special counsel to defend me, no witnesses to speak for me. I deserved no grace, no mercy, and no second chances. And Jesus knew it. He knew that I was flawed through and through and had repeatedly failed Him. He knew I would fail Him again, even though I did not want to. I was no better than Peter…good intentions and yet fearful, unable to stand when the time came.

Even so, after that wretched scene in the garden when Judas arrived with as many as a cohort of Roman soldiers, He stepped in with the agreement He had made from the very beginning of time and allowed himself to be taken to the courts in my place.

The Romans must have feared Him (just as the high priest and the Pharisees). What need was there to send a cohort that may have been as many as 600 men? All those times when He had been teaching and preaching never resulted in riots. Surely they must have considered the possibility that He was the Son of God after all and yet they moved forward with the illegal trial just the same.

The might of Rome prized itself on the laws they had developed, but at this trial they violated no less than seven of their own laws in their haste to destroy this One whose power they feared would dissolve their own.

He went with the soldiers willingly even as He would willingly go to the cross. He chose the path He was to take. He chose me and He chose you when there was no excuse or reason that He should have except His great love and desire to extend compassion, grace, and mercy despite our lack of merit.

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What an exhausting debacle of a night it was.    

It was Annas He was taken to first. Annas was the power behind the throne in Jerusalem, father-in-law of Caiaphas whom he had put into office, and known for his cruelty and unscrupulous manner of persecution. That would be the first stop for Jesus in the long exhausting seven hours He would be tried through six different trials.

Annas would send Him then to Caiaphas. After all, it was Caiaphas who had advised the Jews that it would be good for one man to die for the people. He governed by his own rules and policy that he set without equity. He was part of the plot and he would play his part well before sending Jesus to the Sanhedrin so the religious leaders and scribes could weigh in even though they had no power to demand His death by crucifixion.

Since only Rome could accomplish that grisly form of death on a cross, Jesus would need to be sent to Pilate, representative of the Roman Emperor. He loved to wield power, but on this night he would be reluctant to do so. Was it his wife’s haunting dream that made him hesitate? He tried to pass it off to someone else and sent Jesus to Herod Antipas who was in charge of that region, but Herod would send Him back to Pilate to fulfill the role he was destined to play.

Did Pilate hope the torture he subjected Jesus to would satisfy the Jews who were insisting this man be put to death?

Nothing would intervene on this night as the unjust trial went down in history for what it was. How unjust, even for Rome?

Study of the laws of the time will point to 7 things that were illegal about the trial that should have been mine or even yours. What were they?

• Impartiality was not given.

• The trial began before all the witnesses were brought into the court.

• Those witnesses that were presented were false witnesses with no credible evidence of their complaints.

• It was a capital trial that would result in a potential sentence of death. Such a trial was not permitted to happen at night, but it did.

• Due to the nature of a capital trial and the grave judgments that would be passed down, time for deliberation was to be given to assure this was the just choice of judgment. Instead, the verdict would be pronounced on the spot without deliberation.

• The nature of a capital trial required that it not be held before the Sabbath or a holy day since a delay was required to come to the final judgment.

• The testimony of the accused, the testimony of Jesus, was never considered.

No high priest could execute Jesus. The might of Rome could not take Him down. Only He would choose to give up his life and lay it down willingly for each of us.

And so it was that Jesus endured the unjust trials meant for me, meant for you. But it was His choice. He chose us and became the second Adam so that we would not be separated from Him if we would only believe in Him.

What kind of love is this?

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The Garden of Gethsemane at the base of the Mt. of Olives gives us poignant images of Jesus as He seeks his Father in anguish and travail as what we know of Holy Week nears the climax at the cross on Good Friday.

The place itself carries so much symbolism. The name of the garden represents an olive mill or olive press. Here, surrounded by olive trees harvested and pressed into oil, the passion of Jesus would begin.

He too would be crushed.

On this night, He would feel the crushing agony He was about to face and would plead with His Father to consider if there was no other way that His will might be accomplished. It was a deep crushing of His heart and spirit that would precede the crushing of His body as He would be beaten and then crucified.

Jesus and his disciples would have walked here after the Passover meal they have shared together. Passover was always at the time of the full moon so the moonlight would have illuminated the path they took. He had already spoken of what was to happen to Him when He had broken bread and poured out the wine, but what did the disciples really understand?

He had invited them to share this night with Him, this elite group who had walked with Him during His three years of ministry. They had heard His teaching, seen His miracles, and enjoyed the intimacy of His company that was theirs alone.

And of course there were the three closest to Him (Peter, James, and John) who even on this night were singled out to go farther with Him into the garden where He would fall on His knees. These three had been chosen to be with Him and observed His transfiguration. They were perhaps His closest companions and now they had been invited into another very sacred moment.

As I read the passage and how the disciples responded to His need and how Peter, James, and John fell asleep, I can feel anguish for Jesus in His loneliness. I confess to feeling very judgmental of the disciples for their failure to watch with Him, pray with Him, be truly with Him.

Jesus had told them He would lay down His life and be taken from them and asked them to watch and pray. We have a similar image when Elijah tells Elisha he will be taken, but Elisha does not depart nor take his eyes from Elijah.

Peter, James, and John, however, have fallen asleep despite the Lord’s attempt to awaken them more than once. Even though He has shared with them that His soul was exceedingly sorrowful even to the point of death, their concern for Him does not keep them alert to minister to Him.

What about this troubles me so much?

I think there is something inside of me that wonders if I too fail to be concerned about His heart, His desire for my companionship. How often do I think about or even consider it?

Perhaps we are more like those disciples than we would desire to admit.

They were tired. They had been with Him ministering day after day doing the business of ministry and caring for the people. Now they fail to care for Him, for His heart, in this dark hour.

Have they been so busy doing the work of ministry they were insensitive to His desire for a relationship with them above all else?

Am I?

Are you?

Can we be caught up in doing so many good things for Him that we have little energy to simply be with Him?

Ultimately, He offered them grace even as He does us, but I am drawn back to the reality that He left off praying and had gone to them. What was He seeking from them, hoping for?

We will never know.

What I am reminded of as I read the passage out of Matthew 26 is this:

I don’t want to be too tired, too weary, too involved with the busyness of life or ministry that when He comes and simply wants to spend time with me that I fall asleep and miss that time He has carved out for me.

This passage isn’t the only passage in scripture that speaks to being available and ready for being with Him. We see it when Mary chooses the best part. We see it in the parable of the foolish virgins when they have no oil and miss the Lord’s appearing.

Lord, help me, help us, to be available to you, to be alert, and to be ready and make time to be with you the priority. You gave us all you had, sparing nothing. Awaken my heart, our hearts, to what you most desire of me, of us.

Are we asleep?

Some of you may recall the well-known German children’s fairytale about two children named Hansel and Gretel who went walking in the deep woods leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to find their way back home. Sadly, it didn’t work out very well for them because the breadcrumbs are eaten by various animals and they are lured into a trap by a wicked witch in a house made of gingerbread and candy.

Most of us would never trust a trail made of breadcrumbs and in the modern era we would be pulling out our phones to GPS our way into the woods and back home again.

The image of a breadcrumb trail also can be a metaphor of how we follow a path little-by-little without being clear of the direction it will sometimes take us to lead us to the place we are to go.

Eric and Kristen Hill use that metaphor in their powerful book, The First Breakfast, to describe how Jesus, the Bread of Life, led his disciples little by little along a path to deepen their understanding of who He really was as well as show them who they really were.

In this Lenten season when our attention it being pulled to stories of tragedy and economic collapse, is it possible that we have forgotten He is leading us through this time as He led them through those last days and hours to show us more of who He is as well as who we are?

It was a time of testing for the disciples of Jesus during those last precious days and hours as He talked intimately with them, shared a meal with them, prayed with them, and gently told them who they would show themselves to be in the terrible hours of his arrest and crucifixion.

This is a time of testing for us even as it was for the disciples then that will reveal who He is and how we relate to Him, if we not only know about Him but enjoy an intimate relationship with Him. Some of us might already be discovering our words spoken so assuredly just weeks ago when life was easier fall silent now. Deep inside we may wonder if we will pass this test or like Peter, proclaim without question that we will do so.

So much is written about Peter during those last hours before the cross. Much of what is said is negative because it appears, he failed the test. But when you think of those passages, take another look. In the midst of a large group of soldiers armed to arrest Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane where the odds were not in Peter’s favor, he was willing to take up a sword against all caution to try to defend Jesus. You might say he was impulsive and perhaps he was, but he also displayed courage.

It was also Peter of all the disciples who followed after Jesus to where He would be questioned and beaten. Peter came as close as he could be to be near Jesus. I have no doubt the words Jesus had spoken to him about denying him were long forgotten until after the rooster crowed.

It is at that moment that Peter can also look across the courtyard as Jesus is being led away and for this last time Jesus looks directly into Peter’s eyes according to Luke 22:60-62.

What must that have been like for him?

In The First Breakfast Eric and Kristen Hill write that the Greek word used to describe the look between them is one that means an “earnest look that penetrates the heart.”  “It is to look in a sustained, concentrated way, with special ‘interest, love, or concern’.” It is also the same word used in John 1:42 when Jesus first called Peter and Andrew to follow Him.

So how could Peter deny Him?

Was he simply a coward when he had not given that impression as he traveled for three years with Jesus?

Eric and Kristen Hill posit a different perspective to consider:

“…underneath his denial is a current of pain and confusion, and a deep desire for the script to be different. Maybe his mind was filled with thoughts like, “No! This isn’t how It is supposed to be! He’s God! I’ve seen it with my own eyes! And he’s just giving up? I guess He isn’t who I thought He was at all. He willingly gave Himself over to be arrested, beaten, and spit on – I don’t know that man at all.”

We cannot say what the truth is, but when I consider the words of these writers it is not hard to imagine given my own life experience of how I respond to someone doing something so different than what I believe they would ever do.

This part of the gospel story is poignant for so many reasons, but during this troubling time in our own world we may yet be surprised at our own response to and about the Lord. If we do not respond as we think we might or hope we would, there is also another image in this story we must not miss.

Both times Jesus looked at Peter, there was only love in his eyes

How can that be? Wouldn’t He have been disappointed even though Jesus knew what Peter would say and do?

That’s where the stunning truth shines clearly:

“But in the eyes of Jesus, there is only love. The gaze of Jesus holds forgiveness for sin. He sees us not as we are, but as we are in Him.”

Eric and Kristen Hill

^“38 So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. ³⁹ There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!”

Romans 8:38-39 (TPT)

It’s 1933 and the world is reeling from the impact of WW I and the Spanish flu that decimated the populations of much of the world. The Great Depression has a tight hold on the economies of the world and in the aftermath of WW I Adolf Hitler has become the new chancellor of Germany. Few know of the plans this new leader has for his nation and much of Europe or his plan to move on his anti-Semitic beliefs but there are rumblings here and there as he stirs nationalism as an antidote to his demoralized and weakened Germany.

Liesl Weiss and her family are trying to cope with the grip of the Great Depression as they live in an area of Los Angeles known as Germantown. Her father was killed in WW I and she is working as a secretary for MGM to support her opinionated mother, troubled younger brother, and two children from a marriage that is in limbo after her husband left her and the children. Liesl has been unable to discover what happened to her husband who worked in the local police department. She still struggles to cope with his sudden disappearance and the weight of supporting her family in their small home on Pico Street.

While most others are caught up in the challenges of the Great Depression trying to deal with mounting unpaid bills and lack of grocery money, Leon Lewis, a Jewish lawyer, has watched Adolf Hitler’s rapid rise to power and signs of growing anti-Semitism in the United States. He fears much is going on as an undercurrent to foment propaganda to support the views of Hitler and use the film industry of Hollywood to accomplish that goal.

Liesl comes home each day after working hard as one of MGM’s best secretaries and is shocked when she loses her job unexpectedly with no clear reason given. How will she ever provide now? Jobs are scarce and her brother contributes nothing from his job to help out. Her greatest support comes from her friend, Miriam, who lives next door with her family. Despite Miriam’s Jewish heritage and Liesl’s modest Christian upbringing, they share a bond that is dear to them both.

After weeks of answering ads and looking at any and all places for work, she goes to the secretarial school where she was trained. She was their top student and she hopes they can point her to a job before she and her family end up on the street. Her hopes are dashed when she speaks to the woman who trained her and hears there is nothing she can offer. But when she is called out of her office, Liesl quickly looks through the applications on her desk and sees one needing a secretary and tucks it in her purse. She knows this is not a good idea but she is desperate.

When she returns home and pulls the sheet from her purse she locates a phone number and calls to see if the position is still open. The person who answers is not helpful so she determines to go to the office of this person and insist on an interview. The office is that of Leon Lewis.

When Liesl manages to get to see Leon Lewis she is puzzled about the kind of secretary he needs and what will be expected of her. His questions go beyond what she would expect but she answers as best she can. After the interview Leon Lewis offers her a position but not what she expects from a successful lawyer.

Lewis tells her she will be paid $30 a week (an enormous sum for Liesl) and be offered a job working somewhere else as a volunteer secretary. Her job will be working for the Friends of New Germany, a job requiring secretarial skills and one who is German and speaks it. The description Liesl is given seems incredulous and she asks Lewis, “You mean you want me to spy?”

Code Name Edelweiss by Stephanie Landsem is a riveting historical novel based on a true story about one Jewish lawyer and a handful of amateur spies who worked to discover Adolf Hitler’s plan to take over Hollywood.

Liesl did not initially believe the Germans running Friends of New Germany were connected to the unfolding political and cultural changes in Germany. But as she discovers books and pamphlets promoting Nazi ideas and goals, overhears bits and pieces of conversation about a desire to overtake the major people in Hollywood’s thriving movie business, her fears grow and reality sinks in. That reality includes the danger she and her family are in and how necessary it is to not let anyone know her real purpose at Friends of New Germany.

A good novel will grab your attention in the opening pages and keep you reading paragraph by paragraph as the complex story and plot unfolds as you wonder how it will all end. This is such a novel as characters caught up in working with Leon Lewis wrestle with the question, “If not us, who? If not now, when?”